Mercedene_Morghon

  This script was NOT written by me. It was written by u/darkknightfeelin, but has since been removed from pastebin. Tags were added by me. (Suggested FX: Low Hum of Musical Beats in Distance) (Possibly just for the ‘Intro’) (Tone: Urgent & Nervous) (Quiet Volume at First) Hey… Hey, are you up? Are you awake…? Fuck. Psss… Psss… Wake up… (Louder) (Some Pausing Between Statements) Hey, it’s me. Wake up. That’s it. Rub your eyes. I’m glad you’re here. I really need your help. I really need you to help a girl out right now. Help a friend out, I mean. (Quicker Pace Between Statements) Yeah, no I know. Here move over a bit, let me climb into more into the tent. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, whatever, just move back. (FX: Zipper) There… (Momentarily Relieved) Okay…just us in here now.  (Back to Nervous and Urgent) Okay, so like, did that x hit you kind of hard? We took those pills hours ago and I am still rolling. You, too? That’s what I thought. Is that why you left the sound stage at...

There are some really, creepy Santa Clauses out there. I’ve seen quite a few in my day. The thing is I get putting on the long hair and the beard and the costume; that’s traditional Santa stuff, but some of these guys are wearing masks. And Santa masks do not work. There is no reason for you to be wearing a mask as Santa, and when you do, it makes you extremely menacing. Any child who crosses your path will look rightfully surprised and creeped out. And so will adults. How do I know  this? Well other than how you're looking at me, I mean? Well I'll be happy to tell you. I got fired from my gig as an understudy Santa for this po-dunk town’s Christmas carnival. I’m supposed to just be an elf, but the main santa got drunk out of his mind and showed up looking like he was about to give a barely comprehensible manifesto, and smelling like a wholeass glue factory. So, look, I had a relapse. And I really am sorry that you're affected by it. But you gotta understand, I had to do so...